Confessions of a Dog Trainer #5: My Dog is Not Perfect and I'm Fine With That

I've struggled to write this post for several weeks. There have been multiple attempts at typing out my thoughts for this entry, just to be deleted one letter at a time, then typed again a few days later...then, again, followed, by holding down the delete button. I don't know why it's been so tough to write this entry (maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the time of year...maybe it was because I needed a break from writing). Ironically, I think I was trying to make it perfect. Which, is much harder than I thought (and contradictory my own post), therefore I will welcome this "better than it was before" entry and let 'er rip...

Summing up this year's series of "Confessions of a Dog Trainer" posts, I must confess...I am a dog trainer and my dog is NOT perfect.

Oscar has some challenging behaviors. My sweet, Oscar Handsome Pants, bless his soul, will always need to be be managed - and I will always need to help guide him when it comes to certain things.

Little stinker around 12 weeks

Talking about my own dog's "naughty" behaviors is always humbling and an opportunity for me to reflect on how far we have come together. It also helps keep me grounded with my students and offer a piece of mind that they often times need.  I'll never get sick of seeing their faces when I tell them that, "I, too, have a sensitive dog."

I wasn't always this comfortable talking about my naughty dog. The first two (plus) years of raising Oscar were very trying on me - both personally and professionally. I spent countless hours feeling frustrated, confused, disappointed, upset (to the point of crying bawling) and unable to move past the fact that I had a "bad dog." I was failing as a pet owner and I was failing as a trainer. It was embarrassing and I felt defeated on several occasions. I didn't understand how the same suggestions and advice I was suggesting to my clients were not working in my own life. Or they would work one day, but not the next with my own dog.

I didn't know what was going on, I was trying everything that I knew how to do (without resorting to aversives like prong collars, shock collars, alpha rolls and the like). I tried classical counter conditioning, desensitization, BAT, CAT, clicking to calm and so on.  You name it and I swear I tried it. My dog book/DVD library was growing by the week as I looked for solutions to Oscar's "problems." I felt emotionally and physically drained...why wasn't this "stuff" working with my own dog?!

I was convinced that part of the "problem" was Oscar's age (anyone who has owned a dog between 6 months and 2-1/2 years knows what I am talking about). Adolescence is typically a VERY difficult time for the majority of pet owners - especially if they have a more sensitive dog like Oscar. Adolescence is also very hard on many dogs - something I have a much greater appreciation for now that I've lived through it and see many clients experiencing the same struggles.

Who's happy? Oscar is!

I also thought that part of the "problem" was Oscar's breed. Shepherds are highly intelligent and most are quite sensitive. That's not an excuse, but it is a reality and I knew that when I brought him into my family, so that didn't bother me so much.

I knew part of the "problem" was me (in fact, it still is - I'm working on it, I promise!). I'll spare you the pity party on that one, but I know I am definitely not perfect (see Aaron - I do admit it!).

I also believe that part of the "problem" stemmed from the months upon months of GI issues Oscar had experienced. His growing body and mind were being deprived of valuable nutrients he needed.

What I truly feel to be the root of this "imperfection," though, points directly at me and the unrealistic expectations I had for Oscar. That combined with my own selfish needs and wants....well, no wonder things were so crappy.  What was even more humbling is that when I sat down and audited my commitment and involvement, I didn't give Oscar a fair chance with some of the previously mentioned training techniques.

So, there you have it. I wanted Oscar to be perfect, but I since have found that perfect doesn't exist. That doesn't mean that I've given up on improving his undesirable behaviors...that's not the case (I've actually gone back to focusing on classical counter conditioning and desensitization with him). What I am saying though, is that being in tune with your dog and being honest with yourself enough to put your ego aside and acknowledge their unique ability to change needs to be respected. Having this sense of honesty builds an amazing relationship with your dog...one that is based on trust and free of ego. And, for me us, what could be more perfect than that?

Confessions of a Dog Trainer #4: My Dog Gets Fed First

Here's another one piece of advice that come from folks who are advising others that they need to be "the top dog in your home," the "leader of the pack," or the "alpha dog."

YOU NEED TO EAT BEFORE YOUR DOG...or even more awkward, SPIT in your dog's food before you feed them...to show 'em who's boss. If you don't, OH NO, they are going to become dominant and think they rule the house.  That's a lot of pressure on the person (OMG - that means that every time I want to give my dog a food treat, I need to eat before them?! Ack!)!

WHAT?! Really?

Don't believe the hype. You DO NOT need to eat before your dog because of the potential fallout it might cause.

Oscar waiting patiently for his release word.
He looks worried, but he's not (the camera was
being held by my belt), my eyes were up higher,
which is where he's looking :)

As some of you know, my amazing husband, Aaron, is a very good cook. OK, that's an understatement. He's an artist in the kitchen and routinely turns out delicious meals with lots of thought and love and, oh lucky me, I'm there to eat it.  And for those of you who know Aaron, you know that he is very thorough in whatever he does. He enjoys the process of making things...and while some of us take shortcuts, he doesn't even consider it. What this also means is that, more often than not, Aaron and I are not eating supper before 8:30pm on any given day. And what that means is that Oscar gets fed before us almost every night. That said, in the morning, Oscar typically does get fed before the humans. Just because our schedule makes it so (and the fact that he gets digestive enzymes so his food percolates while I eat).

Has this made him a conniving, dominance-seeking dog? Heck no. I would argue the exact opposite happens because our feeding is on a schedule. And, boy-oh-boy, Oscar thrives when our schedule is predictable.

Our feeding routine is consistent and they work for everyone; the humans and Oscar. And in all honesty, Oscar could care less if he eats before, during or after us, he just wants to get fed!  The only caveat to feeding time is that we do use it as an opportunity to reinforce him for good manners (hello life reward - cha-ching). Oscar has developed a beautiful behavior chain; dinner bowl comes out, run to crate, offer an auto sit, food bowl gets placed down, offer auto eye contact, wait for release word, and viola! FOOD TIME!

The main thing I want readers to consider is that you should do whatever works for your family. To me, it's more important to focus on teaching your dog dinnertime manners (a sit until released is a great place to start) than to waste your energy thinking about trying to find a cracker to eat before you feed your dog. Feed your dog when it's convenient for you, ask your pup for a sit and then let them eat in peace while you go on worrying about more important things, like what's going to happen in the next season of The Walking Dead.

Stay tuned for my last post in this series...

Confessions of a Dog Trainer #5: My Dog is Not Perfect and I'm Fine With That

Confessions of a Dog Trainer #2: My Dog Pulls On Leash

In this edition of "Confessions of a Dog Trainer," I am going to talk about another behavior that is at the top of a lot of dog owner's "Must Fix" list; pulling on leash. In my previous post I talked about the first of my dirty little secrets and today's post is aimed at another common "problem" behavior that I hear complaints about...a lot.

So as I stretch out my legs and begin my ascent onto my soap box...let me start by asking a few warm-up questions to those of you out there reading...and be honest with your answers.

Question 1: Are dogs born knowing how to walk on a leash?
Question 2: What is your dog's natural walking pace compared to yours?
Question 3: How many dogs pull when they are NOT on a leash?
Question 4: Who's idea is it to walk on leash? Your's? Or your dog's?

Now, think about your answers. Like, really think about them.

If you're like me, your answers were:

Answer 1: No.
Answer 2: Faster. In my case, a lot faster.
Answer 3: Zero.
Answer 4: Mine. 

Walking on leash is NOT a natural behavior for dogs. 

Yet for many dogs, being on a leash is an everyday occurrence and it is a necessary safety precaution to keep themselves and others safe. Have you ever seen an off-leash dog hauling ass down a busy road in the city as cars swerve and slam on their brakes? I have. And It's scary. Really scary. It is a hazard to more than the dog at large...I have seen cars swerving in rush hour traffic to avoid hitting a dog who was on the loose.

I do think leash laws are important for safety reasons and I wholeheartedly believe that all dogs should be taught how to walk politely on leash. Do I think every dog needs to walk in a perfect heel position? No. Do I think that they should be taught to walk on a loose leash - even if they are in front of their owner from time to time? Yes.  Do I think that owners should allow their dog to pull them down the street the entire walk. No.

But, I do have a confession... 

My dog is NOT perfect and pulls on leash, on occasion.

Oscar pulling on leash. GASP!
Oh wait, the world kept turning!

The leash pulling is usually in one of the following contexts:

• At the initial sight of a squirrel or bunny rabbit.
• If we are on our walk and get home to see Aaron has arrived home while we've been gone.
• When he gets dropped off at doggy day care.
• When I have released him to "go sniff" in nature's shopping mall.

Is Oscar being a "bad" dog when he pulls on leash? No. He simply wants to get from point A to point B as fast as possible...which happens to be faster than I can move...and wouldn't you know, there's a piece of leather that doesn't let that happen and tension is created on the leash.

Have I taught him how to walk politely so I can cue that behavior when I think it's important? Yes I can.

Do I stop moving if he is pulling on leash when I don't want him to be? Yes I do.

Do I "allow" Oscar to sniff on walks? Um, yeah. And a lot. 

Do I use access to what he wants (squirrel chase, Aaron, day care gate, pee tree) to reward a few steps with me on a loose leash? YOU BET.  

Do I want him to be a robot dog that walks perfectly at my left knee at all times? Nope. How boring for both him and I.

Do I think a walk should be a mutually enjoyable time for us to be together? Absolutely. 

Do we negotiate during our walks and listen to each other's requests to stop and sniff or keep walking? Yes.

Do I sometimes adjust my pace to keep up with Oscar? Yeup. 

Does Oscar sometimes adjust his pace to keep up - or slow down - with me? Yes.

To me - in my life and in my situation with my dog - an occasional pulling on the leash is completely acceptable. I don't lose sleep over it and I certainly do not think Oscar is trying to take over the world by pulling.  I actually like having a dog that acts like a dog from time to time...a dog that is excited about the environment around him.

And here's my challenge to you, on the loop end of the leash:

Have the same respect for your dog as you would like. If you don't want your dog pulling on leash, then you should mirror the same behavior...don't pull them all over the place. Instead focus your efforts on reconnecting with your dog with your voice, body and mind and invite them to come along with you. Unless if it is a life-threatening situation - or you NEED to get your dog out of somewhere (say, there are 20 toddlers running toward you and your not-so-kid-friendly dog), NEVER initiate a leash pull. 

Stay tuned for more confessions from my daily life with my special boy...

Coming Up Next: 

Confessions of a Dog Trainer #3: My Dog Goes Through Doors Before Me

Confessions of a Dog Trainer #1: My Dog Sleeps On My Bed

Those who know me know that I talk about dogs a lot. No matter how a conversation with my co-workers or friends begins, it’s not uncommon for it to turn into questions about dogs. A few of my friends - and countless dog training clients - often confess to me that they know it's wrong that they let their dogs up on their furniture and allow them to sleep in bed with them. They are often very apologetic and often times humiliated by the "awful" truth that they allow their dog "human" privileges.

Well, I've got news for you, my dog is allowed on furniture and he makes himself quite comfortable each evening at the foot of my side of the bed.

Oscar, on "my" side of the bed

While allowing pets on furniture is a personal choice, let me lay a few guidelines as to when I feel it is and is not appropriate to allow pets this comfort.

• If my dog growled at me while he was on any piece of furniture, I would not allow him to be up there. I would use varying levels of management to prevent his access to it and actively modify this behavior if my end goal was to share the space with him.
• If I would like to gain access to a certain piece of furniture, at my request, I expect my dog to relinquish his spot and take up camp somewhere else. Of course, I don't expect him to be born knowing this behavior...I train it and make it worth his while for moving (treats, access to a different squishy, warm spot, or an invitation to jump back up after he has jumped off).
• If I am already up on a piece of furniture and my dog wants to join me, I expect him to wait for an invitation. The majority of the time I will offer an invitation, but other times I do not because I am eating or simply want to relish in the full surface area of the couch and stretch out my tired legs.

Oscar sleeps on our bed and he is allowed on both of our couches. Of course he has other options too...and most of the time when we are hanging out during waking hours, he finds comfort in strategically placing himself on a nearby rug or dog bed where he can keep tabs on every single entry door to our house while simultaneously keeping track of all of his humans. 

This simple matter of comfort and choice has not made Oscar a "dominant" dog in any way, shape or form. He is a healthy dog who enjoys being comfortable and I am confident in the relationship we have that I do not need to worry about his furniture privileges. 

If your situation is similar to that of mine, don't apologize or feel guilty that your dog sleeps in bed with you or hops up on the couch with you. I guarantee you he is not trying to take over the world...he's just more comfortable being on a soft piece of furniture.

Stay tuned for more confessions from my daily life with my special boy...

Coming Up Next: 

Confessions of a Dog Trainer #2: My Dog Pulls on Leash

Kick in the Pants

Oscar "Handsome Pants" with his not-so-used-anymore harness

Besides being a self-proclaimed dog behavior nerd, I am also a self-proclaimed "to-do" list writer, calendar keeper, email checker and (insert other OCD-like thing here).

I'm very passionate about "stuff" I like and, on average, spend 10+ hours each week prepping and teaching several group dog classes and carrying out private in-home training for my clients. This is on top of the 50+ hours I am away from home working at my day job and the varying amount of time I put in for a few freelance clients. And of course the daily training and weekly class I take with Oscar (I know, oh everyone...let's feel sorry for Laura. This entry is not a pity party on me, I promise!).

My amazing husband and my own dog, Oscar, often times take a back seat to the moving maelstrom that is Laura Holder, so it was with great surprise that I actually paused to read a short post a fellow dog trainer left on her Facebook page recently. The topic was around training equipment and how relying on a certain piece of equipment (in this case a front-clip harness) is often used to masque a training problem (that your dog doesn't know how to walk nicely on a leash). 

I quickly and fervently self-evaluated myself as a trainer and guardian who is a self-proclaimed dog behavior nerd. Around the same time -- in fact I think it was within 24 hours -- I had just began reading a fabulous book by Kay Laurence, Every Dog, Every Day. If you don't know her, please do yourself a favor and get to know here. In her book, Kay discusses the dance and connection that should happen as you walk with your dog while on leash. She challenges us as guardians to rethink the walk and to allow our dogs to get out there an sniff and in the event that they do pull on leash (GASP!)...simply stop and wait. Let them take the environment in...it is important to them (and as you'll learn, if you read her book, it's important to you too). It was a somewhat different dog training book in that it didn't offer a formula...no quick tips...no if you do this, you will get that solutions. It was much more contemplative and definitely not for a person who is unwilling to sit down, sit back and really think about the relationship with their dog without ego. If this sounds like something you could do, then you and your dog will benefit from reading Kay's book. It is simply beautiful.  

Back to the story...

The combination of the FB post and finishing Kay's book challenged me to rethink how I go about walking with Oscar, who I've had on a front-clip harness for almost 3.5 years. The afternoon after finishing Kay's book, I clipped the leash on Oscar's collar, put my agenda and OCD tendencies on the kitchen counter and headed out to experience a "walk" with him.  It was beautiful and each day it gets even more so.

What have you done to kick yourself in the pants lately?

Yes, I am Still Alive

Lots of things have been going on in my life in the past few months (I know I'm preaching to the cyber choir), and when I popped over to my blog this morning, I couldn't believe that I haven't posted for over 2 months. While it was a conscious decision to remove myself from blogging and focus on other things - like actually living with my husband and dog - there has been a lot going on that is worthy of a quick entry.

Let's start with Oscar and our nose work training...

I am happy to report that Oscar passed his birch ORT a few weeks ago.  He had a fabulous run - found the odor in 18 seconds and, more importantly, behaved himself like a true gentleman the entire day.  With all the hub-bub of the day - lots of people and dogs in relatively near proximity - he only had one little reactive spat. (Did I mention it was "little"?)

The weeks leading up to the ORT test, I was somewhat doubtful of our ability to pass, but with some clear, concise reflection and wonderfully constructive coaching calls with Kathy Kawalec, we went into the day feeling confident.  I had a great training plan - and the ever important, back-up plan in the event that things went awry.  I stuck to my plan and, golly gee-whiz, it worked.

Speaking of Kathy Kawalec...

For those who do not know Kathy, she is an amazing woman and teacher. I have learned more from the handful of times I have worked with her than the cumulative traditional "training" seminars and workshops and books I have read on dog training throughout the past 8 years.  The emphasis she places on developing - and supporting - the partnership you have with your dog/s is intoxicating. The way she helps you build that relationship is even better...her kind words and support, yet critical critique are empowering.  Her ability to communicate the importance of using personal rewards (that would be you) over non-personal rewards (treats, toys...) and how to use them has turned a new leaf in my everyday interactions with Oscar.  She has helped me shift my awareness in so many ways and I continue to learn from her through her amazing online Cognitive Dog Training Foundation course.  For anyone wanting more...more than the click and treat- type training...consider working with Kathy. She's simply fabulous and your dog will truly thank you for it. 

And on the home front...

Aaron and I have been busy builder bees with our bathroom remodel...a complete tear-out...and it's finally getting near completion. What a project it has been.  The day we began demolition the water line busted from the old pedestal sink (and of course, it was the hot water) and shot water across the room until one of us could run down to the basement to turn the water supply off.  Lesson learned: turn the water off before you being working - and have a plan when $hit hits the fan! As with all projects that wasn't our only surprise along the way.  A near 90-year old house sure has a history...let's just leave it at that.  So, here we are, today, 3 months later with a beautiful new bathroom (still in progress) that was built from the foundation up - the way we wanted it.

I hope to get back into some regular blogging and share a lot of my recent learning.  God knows that I've done a lot of that lately...between nose work, more nose work, Kathy Kawalec and a new instructor's puppy course through the Karen Pryor academy...I'd say my academic mind has reached it's tipping point for the first half of the year.  Phew!

A Farewell to Ms. Fanny

~ Farwell, my sweet Ms. Fanny ~

It's been shortly over a week since Aaron and I sent Fanny to the rainbow bridge. Though it was a tough decision on all levels, it was clear that she was suffering over the weekend. Although the current winter has been quite mild, a godsend for Fanny's ailing body, a recent cold snap, coupled with freezing rain ended up being too much for her to cope with. In the final 48 hours of her physical existence with us, she struggled to stand up outside...falling to her belly on a several occasions.  It broke my heart to watch her in such a state because I knew she was trying so hard to fight her failing body.

~ Fanny on one of our camping trips in Door County ~

 When I arrived home from work last Monday evening, there she was, laying on her bed - exactly where Aaron had left her 5 hours earlier when he left for work. She could barely lift her head as she opened her eyes to greet me. Her breathing was rapid and shallow, she struggled to keep her eyes open and as I quickly came to her side she gave out a great sigh of relief. I knew it was time. She was ready to go onto the next part of her life.

As tears began to pool in my eyes, I made the call to the vet...telling them that it was time for us to let our sweet Fanny's body go and that we needed to honor her request tonight; it could not wait until the next morning. I called Aaron and told him that when he got home from work we needed to do this act of love. Shortly thereafter, Aaron arrived home and we both consoled Fanny and promised her that soon she would be happy and running pain-free. Her lungs would be free and clear and her back legs would have the strength and abundance of a puppy. With a great sigh, and one last request for an eye rub, she agreed and asked, "Well, let's get goin' then!"

~ Fanny's favorite activity (besides eating!)
was going for car rides ~

Having never experienced the loss of a close pet before, I knew the evening's events would be difficult. Aaron and I packed a full Kleenex box, Fanny's blanket and got Oscar situated. We had been preparing for this inevitable day for a few months, still there was a huge flash of reality when we were going through the motions of getting her ready for her last breathing car ride. Upon arrival to the vet's office, they welcomed us into our private room, where they had already set out a thick warm blanket for Fanny to rest on. We laid her down, never once ceasing to be with her...Aaron rubbed her ears and eyes and I quietly beamed healing energy to her as I steadily placed my hands on her rear end.  Soon, our sweet girl would be at rest. The tech administered a sedative to help Fanny relax before the procedure and gave us a few minutes alone before the doctor came in. They prepped the injection site and together, we all told Fanny how wonderful she was and how her life was only going to get better...a new body will be born and she will run wild and free until we see her again. Without hesitation, she went quietly and peacefully to her final rest.

~ "Is he really staying?"~

We had made prearrangement's to bring her home the evening of the procedure to help Oscar - and us, quite frankly - cope with the event. Just like he always has, Oscar went over and sniffed her body... concentrating on her sweet front paws and her ears. We quietly spoke to the two of them as they said their good-byes and Oscar finally got his wish...for Fanny to allow him to lay by her. It was a sweet moment between the two. The following morning, we returned Fanny to have her body cremated.


So as we wait for Fanny to return home to us, I would like to take this opportunity to reflect on how much she brought to my life over the past 10 years.

To my dear, sweet Fanny,  

You were my first dog. The memories I have of the first day we met are some of the happiest moments in my life. After 22 years of begging my parents for a dog - I finally went out and got one myself! Fanny, you were simply stunning...a beautiful White Shepherd girl...all alone in your adoption room. I knew you would bring great joy to my life as I signed the application papers. I didn't care about the 'negatives' on your intake form - they didn't scare me - although you certainly fulfilled them as some of my friends would soon find out. 

You taught me that kangaroo tails aren't reserved for kangaroos - you had a fabulous tail and carried it well...on multiple occasions hitting it on something that made it go limp. You taught me that you would gladly eat any and all food that was offered to you - even those that were for my anniversary dinner with Aaron. You taught me that you are smarter (and stronger) than most humans - I will never forget the time when you moved Chris' entertainment center away from the wall to puke back there. You taught me that you could, in fact, be trusted around anyone - it just took some time, love and lots of hot dogs for some of those scary men to be OK. You taught me that I couldn't live a day without finding white dog hair everywhere - admittedly  I would miss it if it weren't around.  You taught me that finding a man who really loves dog is a hard thing - but I found him and will never let him go. You taught me that I had to be careful when I was preparing your food b/c you have secret ninja skills and could sneak up on me nearly tripping me on multiple occasions. You taught me to never give up on anything, and make adjustments along the way - I regret those days when I didn't know any better and used a prong collar on you, but it afforded me the opportunity for ultimate growth into the positive training world and I have never looked back since. You taught me that you were always there with me - your timely "drive by" nose bumps at night are sincerely missed. You taught me about unconditional love - I never once regret staying home on a Friday night to be with you because I know appreciated it, even though I got shit from a lot of my "friends" for it. Fanny, you were a wonderful companion. You put up with your little brother and set a wonderful example for your breed. Your presence will be missed by all that knew you...but the memories you have given will always be there.

Until we meet again, my dear, run wild and free - and jump on a counter or two, especially if there's a steak up there in the sink. ~ Your proud Momma, Laura ~

~ The ultimate lounger in her golden years ~

Finished Book: "Plenty in Life is Free" by Kathy Sdao

Beautiful, memorable and as perfect as perfect gets.

On this unseasonably warm October afternoon (it's 70-something in Wisconsin!), I finished reading Kathy Sdao's beautiful, 93-page book Plenty in Life is Free: Reflections on Dogs, Training and Finding Grace.

For those who have not heard of or read Kathy's book, the pages within talk about rethinking the NILIF (Nothing in Life is Free) training protocol and challenge oneself to consider becoming an active, communicating partner (not leader) in the relationship with your canine friends through alternate ways of training. To be 100% honest, I have never felt comfortable with the NILIF protocol. I tried it with my own "problem" dogs and never made it past a week of of the program. It never felt "right" and I wasn't happy dictating that my dog had to offer me something, at my cue/command, in order to get what he wanted.

In Kathy's beautiful writing, her experience, outlook, passion and ability to deliver a salient message left me satisfied beyond belief.  I am energized, excited and ready to continue on the journey with my own dogs and with my clients, both current and future, with her approach to training. Throughout the pages, Kathy layouts a handful of alternative methods to the NILIF protocol/philosophy, all of which gravitate around the central idea that we, humans, need to get SMART (See Mark and Reward (Training)) with our dogs offer. We must be active in the participation and become skilled partners and listeners. It is our duty to reinforce our dogs (with petting, praise, walks, car rides...whatever!) when they reinforce us (with ANY behavior that you want them to do).

"...my training focus has shifted gradually away from ensuring animals' compliance with my directives. Instead I've become increasingly aware of the critical need for me to observe the animals I train - intentionally watching their behaviors with mindful intention. This cultivation of the skills of clearly seeing behavior and learning to recognize and respond to desirable behaviors trumps any reward-rationing protocol. It also precedes - temporally and philosophically - any attempts I make to improve the animal's obedience to my requests." 

For me to say that Kathy's book is the best dog book I have ever read would be an understatement. It is about as perfect as perfect gets and I will proudly recommend it atop the previously #1-ranked "Bones".

Kathy - if I ever get the opportunity to meet you in person, I will see, mark and reward you with the biggest bear hug I can offer.

Just One Student

This week marked the last session in the 6-week Control Unleashed course I teach through BehaviorWorks.  I always like to take a look back and reflect on the journey that was made during the class.  Each class I teach is made up of a unique mix of students and dogs and this session of Control Unleashed was no exception.  

During each of the courses I teach, regardless of the topic, I make a personal goal to help each and every student succeed in the best way possible.  As a teacher, I find it immensely gratifying when I get to witness the moments in time where a true, honest connection between human and canine are made.  Helping people get to this point and recognize they have gotten there is wonderful feeling.  Following closely behind, almost as wonderful, is when I see a student take the initiative to push themselves to make that connection even better.  Whether it's by upping criteria at exactly the right moment, ending the training session after a perfect response or recognizing when their dog is getting stressed and respecting that communication to stop training.  Any of these pure forms of observation and involvement from the human partner make my heart glow with delight and respect.

Over my relatively short "professional" training career, clients who respect and desire a true connection and open communication with their dog are few and far between.  I don't think this viewpoint is rare, but I do think it's unfortunate.  There are many dog owners who just want their dog to sit, lay down, stay and come on command without care to how they get there and don't get me wrong, I like working with these folks.  It's those rare gems that truly want to be with their dog that I love working with. 

There were both ends of the spectrum in my most recent CU class.  

First the I had a well-meaning student who had a reactive dog.
The few times his dog reacted in class, he felt embarrassed and his own mode of thinking became reactive; he jerked the leash.  I know he was embarrassed and frustrated, but I could tell he wanted to change his own behaviors and help his dog.  If I would have only had a few more weeks with him and his dog to help him get to a better state.  Convince him that his dog wasn't being an asshole...he was just acting the best way he knew how in the given situation.  This dog was so food motivated that it easily could have had developed a different CER (conditioned emotional response) with a little bit of extra work.  I mean, c'mon a dog that will literally work for Kibbles-n-Bits dry dog food!  Easy!

Then there was the student who really got it.

A wonderful lady who, admittedly, has been training with BehaviorWorks since her dog was a pup.  She had her timing down for marking correct behaviors to the millisecond.  Her reward delivery was near perfect.  She upped criteria exactly when and where it should be done.  I continued to push her where she needed it, but I gotta tell ya, it wasn't a lot.  She's the one...The One Student...who worked with her dog as he was in the moment.  They grew together over the 6 weeks and blossomed into wonderful partners.

It's a beautiful thing and extremely rewarding to have such a student in class.  Someone who just "gets it."  Someone who wants to push themselves and their dog in a mutual, connected relationship.  This is more than training, this is real life relationship building.  And it's wonderful to witness. 

Constant

If there's one thing that I have learned by living with my dear boy, Oscar, it is that he is constantly pushing me to be on my toes.  Just when I think we are in a good place, he'll do something to slip the rug out from underneath my feet.  While I appreciate this gesture, this constant challenge for me to do more, learn more and be more, sometimes I'm ready to call it quits. Sometimes our connection just plain old sucks.

There were times during the weekend that Oscar and I were totally chill, totally connected, having conversations with one another without saying a word.  We would look at each other and I could feel our connection.  Then there were times when, honestly, I don't know what happened. Oscar would run over to the fence and bark at our neighbor I was having a conversation with after being totally fine with the neighbor just a few minutes prior.  It's confusing, frustrating and makes my trust in him fall to pieces. It's incredibly humiliating to both of us having our connection crushed like that.

I understand and appreciate the belief that we get the dog that we need, but being a person who runs on the border between stable and anxious I don't need a dog who errs on the side of reactivity. When I work with clients who have "problem" behaviors in their dogs, I find it quite easy to help them get to a better place.  A place of better understanding on both sides of the relationship through mutual participation. With a little education and understanding and some coaching I have seen near miracles happen in these partnerships. I know this takes determination and commitment.

Getting to this level with Oscar is harder than I've ever imagined it to be. I feel know that I put in an enormous amount of effort and am more than willing to try new things to get to the land of mutual participation and respect. And, sure, there are times when Oscar and I have a connection, but I know there are times when he does not trust me and completely tunes me out.  It's as if he doesn't give a crap if I was around.  This makes me confused, upset and frustrated...not at him, but at myself.  I often look at him and ask him, "What more do I have to do here?" "Why can't you just trust me?" "Would you be happier some place else with someone else?"  In return I get a blank look...like no one is there...no one is listening.  Does he even want to be part of the relationship or would he rather just go live somewhere else...in a land of never-ending tennis balls and Frisbees?

I am committed to developing this relationship and going with the organic flow of ups and downs. And God bless Oscar; he has been there to at least try everything I have asked of him with minimal fuss, however there are still areas in our relationship that need work. I need him to trust me and I know that part of this equation is me trusting him to do what's right. I will keep learning, but the relationship needs to be a two way street...I need a little bit of reinforcement from him sometimes that I am doing the right thing.

So, here I am getting off my soapbox with just one request...and I hope Oscar's listening..."Can we go about our lives together with a promise to one another that we will be equal and willing participants in our relationship?"

Progressive Reinforcement Training

Happy Monday everyone!  Here I am again, in my never-ending journey to become the ultimate D.B.N. and I had a chance to get my fix over the weekend; this time bringing to you a recent discovery in the wonderful world of positive progressive reinforcement training.  

My current DVD series rental from Tawzer Dog has led me to get a better understanding of "Trick Dog" training as led by a Ms. Emily Larlham.  The name Emily Larlham didn't mean anything to me before I opened up my doggie Netflix rental mail last week. Holy crap, I had no idea who this woman was (shame on me!) and what a wonderful inspiration she has and will continue to be to me. 

She has an absolutely fantastic manifesto written about her Progressive Reinforcement Training methods that is well worth a read for anyone training with their dog or helping others in classes/private sessions.  Her manifesto is refreshing and spot on, in my opinion, to what I am trying to do in my personal and professional dog-related careers.

Some highlights from Emily's manifesto:

"Progressive Reinforcement Training Means: 

1) Training by rewarding desirable behaviors so they will be more likely to occur in the future, while preventing reinforcement of behaviors that are undesirable.  

2) Interrupting and preventing undesirable behaviors without physical or psychological intimidation, as well as rewarding an alternate response (training a behavior you find desirable in it’s place). 

3) Taking an animal’s emotional state and stress levels into account. 

4) Socializing and teaching an animal to cope with his environment using reinforcement. 

5) Using a marker to train, whether it be a clicker, some other noise-maker, your voice or touch, or a visual marker.  Or, on the other hand, not using a marker, and instead for example reinforcing an animal by feeding a treat directly to his mouth. 

6) Employing humane, effective, respectful training based on the latest scientific evidence.

Progressive Reinforcement Training Does Not Mean:  

1) The intentional use of physical or psychological intimidation. 

2) Intentionally disregarding an animal’s stress levels or signals.

3) Holding selfish or uncompassionate goals for your training.

...Progressive Reinforcement Training is not a permissive form of training.  It requires providing consequences to all behaviors.  The trainer takes on the role of a benevolent leader and guide using these ethical and scientifically based methods." 

Beautiful stuff, right? I love that she is sensitive to the animal as an emotional being and could not agree more with her beliefs of interrupting and preventing undesirable behaviors.  

Beyond Emily's manifesto, she has a plethora of free videos (yes, FREE!!!) that are refreshing, easy to watch and easy to understand (I've already used some of the new learning this weekend) and are based on scientific-training methods (and did I mention they are 100% FREE?!!).  I encourage you to swing over to her website, www.kikopup.com and get your Progressive Reinforcement Training fix!  

Lettin' Dogs Be Dogs

This past weekend was all about hanging out as much as possible.  Between crazy work schedules, visiting relatives from out of town and leaving town for our own vacation, Aaron and I did our best to spend as much time as possible outdoors just hanging out.  Of course mother nature has been doing her finest job of throwing heat at us and saving all precipitation for other areas of the world, but that didn't stop us from getting outside and enjoying the weather. 

Oscar and Fanny doing whatever they want.

Oscar has been maturing quite a lot the past couple of months.  I never thought I would see the day where he voluntarily laid down outside, but he has added the fine art of lounging into his vocabulary.  Of course as soon as someone gets up to move, he's ready to play ball...or when he hears something suspicious on the other side of our fence, he just simply cannot sit still and let things pass.  This world was made for his investigation!!  

Fanny has long ago perfected the art of laying low and enjoying the cool, damp shady areas of our yard.  She's a master at sniffing out her spot to potty, then b-lining it for one of her favorite spots.  In her fine age she isn't as tolerant of the heat as she used to be, so when we get up off our butts to do something in the yard, she slowly gets up and looks at us hoping we will go inside...to the nice, cool A/C house.  We, of course, let her in at her polite request. 

I enjoy these moments of lounging...just letting everybody be what they want to be.  Oscar loves the new sod area of our lawn and lays down on it with a big thud. Naturally, he has a toy nearby - if not in his mouth - and will sporadically fling himself onto his back with such gusto as he air bats at the toy between his teeth.  It's a sight that makes me smile with delight.  Fanny watches from a far thinking to herself, "Doesn't he know that is such a waste of energy?  What is wrong with him?"  

The summer days are just beginning and I enjoy being with the pups outdoors, just doing what we do...enjoying each others company and lettin' the dogs just be dogs. 

Open Eyes, Open Ears, Open Heart

This coming Friday Oscar and I have the opportunity to work with someone who I've been wanting to meet for over a year, Kathy Kawalec.  I had originally signed Oscar and I up to have a private sheep herding lesson last year with Kathy and, unfortunately, had to cancel because something came up.  In hindsight it was very likely a sign that it just was not the right time to do that type of "thing" with Oscar.

Fast forward several months and here we are; a few days away from "sheep herding" with Kathy's help and guidance.  I put the activity of sheep herding in parenthesis because I have some doubts that Oscar and I, together, will be ready to get in with the sheep and I'm 100% OK with that happening.

Friday is going to be about Oscar and I, on our continued journey together.  I look forward to this part of the journey and welcoming it with open eyes, open ears and an open heart to listen to what Oscar communicates to me...and to what Kathy guides us with.  Granted I have not trained with Kathy before, but I did have a lovely phone conversation with a her a few weeks back in preparation for our session and it was very awakening.  She has such a clear message in her teaching coaching to me; let your heart-connected relationship with Oscar remind you of all that is there, all that you can achieve together, and let it be the foundation for what you want to do and where you want to go.  Beautiful.

So, Kathy, if you're listening out there...here we come...with open eyes, open ears and open hearts. Sheep optional.

Positive Encounters of the Same Kind

Over the past week I have had two incidents while out walking with each of my pups, respectively, that have left a HUGE smile on my face. These were moments where I was observant of others around me.  Watching what they were doing (or not doing, in incident #2) with their dog.

Incident #1
Tuesday, early morning.
Laura and Fanny's morning walk.
I was out walking with Ms. Fanny and saw up ahead the "The Doodle Jogger" coming down the street toward us.  (Aaron and I have nicknames for certain dog/human teams in our neighborhood that are memorable...both for good and bad "stuff."  This is one of the "good" people.)  The Doodle Jogger was on her morning jog and has always been respectful of the space around other people...whether they have dogs or not...and often times moves completely off the sidewalk and into the street or even to the other sidewalk.  Tuesday morning was no exception.  Fanny always notices The Doodle Jogger and perks up her head at the 4-legged crew member.  They've never had an exchange of words and, admittedly, the doodle has very lovely, non-confrontational body language.  The one thing I noticed this particular morning as I was watching them, was that right after the Doodle team passed us the human quietly said, "Good dog, (insert name here)" and pulled out a tasty treat from her pocket and  delivered it to her trusty, furry companion.  I smiled...ear-to-ear...at this exchange of simple, concise and beautiful communication.  The Doodle Jogger just moved up a few more notches in my book.

Incident #2
Thursday, after work.
Laura and Oscar's evening walk.
Oscar and I have been having great moments on our walks for the past number of weeks.  This week alone we have walking up and back North Ave. multiple times while people are busy coming in and out of shops, restaurants and gas stations.  We don't stop to chat with anyone but keep going...together (Oscar likes to keep things moving - both himself and other people/dogs around us).  On Thursday evening, I decided to walk us down North Avenue a few blocks, then take a turn and walk through the neighborhood a bit.  We were walking along very well, then all of a sudden a kid (probably about 8-10 y/o) came around the corner of a house riding his bike and just stopped at the corner on the sidewalk.  He was about 15 feet away from Oscar who hadn't noticed him because his was busy sniffing a huge tree trunk.  I kept my cool and just let Oscar continue sniffing.  I had my treats ready at the hip to reward him for good decision making when he would, inevitably, get stared at by the kid.  Well, guess what?  That didn't happen.  The kid looked over at us briefly and smiled at Oscar and me then, turned his head and body away from us and continued to wait at the corner.  I gave Oscar a very nice, calm "good job buddy" as I slipped him a treat, then we walked right past the kid who still continued to wait.  As we crossed the street, I looked around to see who or what he was waiting for and saw his father and their gorgeous St. Bernard (whom I see weekly) coming down the sidewalk about 1/2 block back.  Knowing the father a little bit, I know he has taught his child to respect dogs and greet them properly, if at all.  It was a great feeling I had and as I continued to cross the road, I looked back to the father and their dog and smiled and did a little wave.

These beautiful moments...these positive encounters of the same kind...make me hopeful that the change in tide is happening.  People are becoming more educated and receptive to the power of positive training and aren't afraid to do it in public, no matter what time it is.

Why me?

Warning:  This is going to be one of those posts where I feel sorry for myself...I feel that I can do this from time to time, right?!


UGH.  Today was one of those days with Oscar where I didn't feel any connection what-so-ever.  The dumb ass neighbor with his beagle came out this morning and while Oscar jumped on the fence to peek over, he didn't bark at the guy or his dog (a big YES! in my book).  Aaron then left to take him for a walk and as they were going down our driveway, one of our neighbors was passing by and stopped to chat with Aaron.  Oscar did well, but for whatever reason he barked and lunged in the lady's direction after they were talking (I wasn't there, so I don't know what the hell happened).  Then Oscar had another episode when Aaron was picking up his poop.  Aaron's back was to Oscar while he was picking up the poo and during that time, a lady with her two dogs came out of their house and walked directly at Oscar and Aaron.  Oscar made his presence known.  In my book, this was excusable.  Oscar is bred to alert to S.E.C.'s (sudden environmental changes).   The good news is that Aaron and Oscar saw the same lady and dogs later in the walk and both of them did fine.  

Then there was this evening's extravaganza.  The stupid neighbor takes his dog out again and Oscar, jumped on the fence.  No barking again (AWESOME!).  But then I didn't hold on to him long enough (or simply remove him from the backyard!) and he charged the fence again, jumped on it and barked a few times.  This time the stupid neighbor faces his dog and says, "Boss, say "HI!"  Boss, say "HI!"  Well, then his dog barks and Oscar gets amped up and starts barking at him with a lot more gusto.  Yay for that!  UGH!

It's embarrassing having a dog that is reactive.  Plain and simple.  The majority of people out there don't realize the time, effort, patience and perseverance it takes to work with such a dog.  All they see is the dog who is barking/lunging/growling.  They don't see the dog who is exhibiting self-control in situations that are scary/nerve racking for them.   Today was one of those days when I doubted why I even got a second dog in the first place...and, especially, another shepherd.  I love the breed, but Jesus, they are a lot of work.

Oscar has pure moments of brilliance at times...and lately they have been far outweighing the butthead moments...but still, today I so desired that I could come home to an EASY dog.  A dog that wouldn't have me walking around the backyard or neighborhood with a treat pouch on.  A dog that doesn't need to be on anti-anxiety meds.  A dog that doesn't need a ridiculous amount of home-cooked food each day.  A dog that happily walks over to our fence to greet the neighborhood visitors.

I know I sound incredibly selfish when I type this, but why me?  I give so much effort to both of my dogs and admittedly, the majority of that is to Oscar, and I feel like I get nothing in return.  I would throw myself in front of a bullet for this dog.  Doesn't he know that?  The blank looks I got from him today.  The inability to hear me when I was talking with him.  It's incredibly hurtful to have moments with your dog where there is only one being present.  (Here I go again...almost starting to cry!)

Yet I also know this is part of our journey, our dance together.  Today was not Oscar's day to shine.  I know he was doing the best he could, but what made him feel so unsafe that he had to act that way?  I'll never know...I can only look forward and move that next step toward making our life together better.  Dwelling on this won't help, but it is incredibly therapeutic to (once and a while) sit alone in the dark and just say, "Why me?"

1-on-1

There is something incredibly satisfying about doing 1-on-1 training with someone.  Whether it is dog training, going to school, being in a relationship, heck - driving your car, nothing beats the connection two "things" can share.

Until very recently, I've always been on the other side of the 1-on-1 equation (the "asking for help!" side, that is).  A short while ago, I was contacted by a woman looking for help with her adolescent labrador.  She wanted to get into one of the training classes I teach, however the class schedule conflicted with a prior commitment on hers.  Having heard the sincere desire through her words as we emailed back and forth a few times, I knew this is a woman who wanted dearly to help her young dog and was getting advice from some other trainers that she was not comfortable with.  I could just feel it in her typing that she needed help and knew that there just had to be a better way than what was being told to her (jerking of a head collar and shaking the dog by the scruff!).

Very kindly I apologized that our class schedule did not work for her and I did something that I just knew was right; I offered to help her through private training.  There wasn't an ounce of hesitation in my mind, body or soul to open my services to someone who was suffering from behaviors that have struck very close to home with me.

Reactivity, impulse control, lack of focus, loss of or failure of connection are rapidly becoming modules of dog behavior that I live and breathe by.  There is no greater joy than seeing someone have that "Ah-ha!" moment when you are working with them. When they realize that they made something happen and they are in control. Sure, these moments happen in group classes, but the 1-on-1 sessions allow for a much more focused relationship and that is what leaves me beaming this afternoon.  The ultimate gratitude this new client of mine has had in just 2 short sessions is amazing.  She is seeing the potential in her dog...in their relationship...and I am honored that the perfect sequence of events happened that allowed me to help guide her along her journey.

It seems silly and often times redundant to keep reflecting on how much Oscar has changed my life, but I can't ignore how much he has allowed me to learn.  So, a special shout out to Oscar ("Thank you, Buddy!")

Finished Book (again): Bones Would Rain from the Sky

I love this book so much that I had to read it again (a special "Thank you" goes out to my 8-5 job for flying me out to Seattle this week which allowed me to read it on the plane!).

There is sometime completely comforting each time I read the pages of Suzanne Clothier's book Bones Would Rain from the Sky.  I don't even know how to describe it, really, but it's the same feeling I get when I drink a very welcome warm cup of coffee on a cold winter morning.  It just feels damn good.

I've written about how much I resonate with Suzanne's style of teaching connecting with our beloved canines and I feel and incredible disservice trying to even capture it in my own writing because I know I will fall short. All I can say to those of you who share a life with a dog and looked deep into their eyes and felt that warm, comforting connection, you need to read this book.

For now, I place Bones back on my bookshelf...edges of the cover lovingly starting to curl...the spine prominently shown as an invite to pick it up, once again, when the time is right.

Absolutely Lovely

Hubby, Fanny, Oscar and I just got back from a beautiful exploration journey.  The weather is gorgeous today in Wisconsin.  I mean, c'mon, it's March 10th and it's 60 degrees outside?  Yes, I'll take it, thank you very much.

I was pleasantly surprised when I told my hubby that I was going to take off with Oscar for a little car ride and romp around that he wanted to tag along with Fanny (insert a click and reward for him here!).  So, off we went.  We all packed into my little black station wagon and headed off to a nearby college that has a great, large open area for romping and exploring.

Everything was perfect.  All humans were 100% present in the moment and thoroughly enjoying themselves.  And the dogs, with complete and utter appreciation, joined us on our hour-long adventure.  The sun was shining brightly, the wind was nice and brisk -- to which the dogs' noses went up in peak interest countless times -- there were a scattering of other people and dogs, but not too much that we all had to be concerned about running up on each other.

Oscar behaved perfectly to which I caught myself on numerous occasions smiling from ear-to-ear.  I watched as he eagerly and effortlessly bounded around, directing small invitations of play to Fanny (of course ignored!). We brought his most favorite frisbee along and he gladly ran after it...sometimes he ran right by because of more interesting things, but then would come back and find it, then lop it up and gallop around oh-so-happily.

Fanny was a pure joy to watch.  She is fascinating to watch at her age, as I've blogged about in the past.  She plowed up and down the hills and had her "I'm outside and lovin' it" face on.  She walked slowly and with intention and for the first time in a very long time, did not lose her footing at any time.  After our venture came to an end and it was time to jump up into the car - she cleared it with ease.  I pure sign to my hubby and I that the refreshment of our journey was exactly what she needed.

Moments like this are ones to be cherished.  They are extremely special to me.  Our entire family was out together.  There were times where I wanted to bring out my camera and capture this time, but I consciously stopped myself, wanting to soak in the pure beauty of just being there.  We were with each other with mutual, genuine interest and intent.  We were truly connected.  It was absolutely lovely.

Addicted.

I'm an addict of dog behavior and training.  It was obvious last night as I was giving the orientation for the second Control Unleashed class I'll be teaching that every pore of my body oozes "dog."  I found myself speeding up as I talked about the stuff I will be helping teach and going off on well-deserved tangents here and there.

Bless the clients who signed up for class and listened as I laid out the class curriculum and gathered information about them and their beloved pups.  I warned them at the beginning that I could talk for days on end about dog stuff and gave them strict instruction to reel me back in if I fly away into D.B.N. land.  They seemed sincerely appreciative of my passion and we all had a few good laughs.  If I can help just 1 person in each class I teach to become more connected with their dog, I will die a happy trainer.  And last night I got the feeling that I was going to help each and every person (and their dogs).

I drove home feeling so high.  So happy.  So thankful.  So full of life.  This chapter in my life journey has brought me to where I am today and I am so grateful for many people and poochies who have helped pave the way.

Connection in the Classroom

Together with paw and hand...not paw in hand.

I love teaching...helping people do whatever it is that they seek to get better at.  And for as long as I can remember I have gravitated towards leadership roles.  The roles have not historically been academic, although I did receive high honors in high school and college, but I was never the class president or part of the debate club or anything like that.  I found (and still find) my leadership more natural on the athletic field/court, within a group of friends, at work...even when I worked at McDonald's, in real life situations and when helping people with their dogs.  These environments allow me to feel natural...helping people see what they cannot; and thus helping me see how I can become better at who I am, what I am and what I can offer.  I love that part of being a leader...I'm very unselfish and am not afraid to make a wrong decision if my heart is behind it.  I've fallen on my ass many times, literally and figuratively, and have taken each with a sense of humility that helps me grow into a better learner and teacher.

Last night at the Control Unleashed class I teach, I saw some magical moments between the humans and their canine partners.  True time lapses of connection that left me beaming with a grin ear-to-ear.  I cannot explain the feeling of happiness I felt as I watched each partnership - truly, ultimately, deeply - connected for sequences of training.  It was nothing short of fulfilling for me to watch and I wanted to keep them going...watching them in that beautiful space, dancing with each other.  These were moments that I have longed for with my students and their dogs and to see it actually happen was awesome!  Even if the humans didn't know what was happening (I'm sure some of them were just happy their dogs were "listening" to them when asked to do something), it was clear to me that there was a mutual dance of communication happening that lifted the enjoyment for both ends of the leash.

I look forward to many more moments like this in my years ahead...not only in my students and myself, but for those people who I don't even know.  Having watched these partners succeed in their dance - as a spectator...as a coach...as a humble human - reminds me that life is all about those special moments where two beings become more than separate entities...these two come together and create something magical...a true relationship.